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For lovers of the English language (Kuala Lumpur)

When the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous they are known as paraprosdokians. Winston Churchill loved them.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. (ever been to Tesco?)

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.