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Don't TouchThe Toucan (Singapore)

This is an appalling joke of a pub on Duxton Hill, and even more appalling lie of an Irish pub.

The first time I went I vowed not to return. That time, the service was farcical (despite there being 10 straff to the 3 customers that rattled around the place. I complained about the awful state of the men's toilet, strewn with soiled paper, blocked soiled toilet, wet everywhere. Instead of sending one of the male staff in, they sent in a female waitress to clean up the men's foul waste. This is typical of the respect the male managers here give to their female colleagues and spills over to the lack of respect they give to their customers.

The drinks were expensive, snacks badly heated up and expensive, my complaints resolved with a blank, idiotic look and weak apology - no offer of a discount for that evening or a return visit. Why should I return to a crappie, badly served, badly organised, health risk, sick-making, expensive faux-Irish establishment (not a single Irishman, or Irish music or Irish food around, just new Irish faux-paraphernalia and Guinness).

Laughably, this was a few days away from St Patrick's Day and they had NO information about what was going on on the day itself - no bands, no promotions, etc.

A year later,my wife, daughter and I were going to the fine Entrecote nearby and we were early. Against my better judgement, I agreed to sit at the Toucan for a drink, but was very wary. Part of the reason was that we were in Happy Hour timing so at least the bill would be acceptable.

The first thing my wife noticed on the menu was tha horrendously bad taste cocktail name of 'Irish Car Bomb'. Amazing. The management are clearly not sensitive to the many thousands that lost their lives to the IRA terrorists in the UK. Would they put a 9/11 car bomb or Taliban or Al Qaeda Car Bomb on the menu?

She then took our daughter to the toilet and was fuming at the state of the ladies' toilets - wet everywhere and smelly. She was advised to hold our daughter off the seat. Disgraceful.

Finally, we got the bill and we were charged the full price. When challenged, the waitress told me that on Friday and Saturday there is no Happy Hour. I pointed to a large sign that just detailed the happy hour times, no mention of exclusions. She agreed to give me the happy hour price. Then, an assistant outlet manager (no proper manager on a Saturday night) brought the bill and it was still the full price. He insisted that we pay the full price! I was outraged and I also pointed out the toilet issue and Irish Car Bomb cocktail to him. He merely advised me to write to a faceless, nameless email address, with no offer of a discount or return offer (not that I would ever return here). Why have impotent managers? They don't even have a customer website or an owner email address, so they are clearly inundated with complaints all the time and try to avoid public interface.

So, stay well clear - there is nothing authentic or enjoyable about this place - even the flowers in the garden are fake. $35 dollars for 2 beers (that needed topping up)and a lemonade is a rip-off.

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