It seems like every year as the summer warmth starts to fade, a flock of expats have the urge to move out and leave town with it. This yearly wave of exits seems to be starting up again. Having been an expat for many years now, I know this yearly migration pattern well. Many times I myself was the exiting expat. But since I have been living in the same area now for almost 4 years, with no impending plans of departure, I often face what I refer to as being “the expat left behind”. What I mean by the “expat left behind” is simply that my fellow expat friends who used to be in my surroundings are choosing to leave, while I am remaining in the same place, essentially being “left behind” while others move on.
Watching your friends leave can be a very hard process. But just because your friends are leaving town does not mean that your life as an expat is suddenly going to become horrible and lonely. It’s just going to be different and you are going to have to learn to adapt and embrace these changes and new opportunities. Being the expat left behind comes with its own share of responsibilities. As I have experienced this often over the years, I have some words of wisdom to impart on the ‘do’s and don’ts’ to ease with the process when your friends are leaving:
Don’t
Do
Don’t
Do
Do
Don’t
Do
And most importantly…be appreciative. This is applicable on all levels. Be appreciative of the friendships and experiences that you have already experienced, are currently experiencing, and are yet to experience. The nature of the expat experience is that people are always coming and going. The temporariness and the challenge of the expat situation is part of what accelerates the friendship creation and makes it so special. As said before, we are connected now more than ever, whether it is through electronic media or the more affordable means to travel. Goodbyes are rarely permanent unless you want them to be or for forces out of your control. In closure, I leave you with an A.A. Milne quote, which seems to sum up the idea of saying goodbyes: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” I couldn’t agree with him more.
Gabrielle Byko is an international communication professional who has studied and been working in Germany and Austria for the past 6 years. She has a passion for experiencing international culture exchange in all of its forms.
Making new friends and maintaining friendships is one of the biggest challenges for expats. It can be just as difficult to build a social network as it is to deal with all aspects of life abroad. InterNations member Maggie recounts how she tried to find friends abroad and didn’t lose hope.
Dana moved from Kuwait to Australia and did not know a soul when she arrived. Through an unexpected friendship with two British expats, she transformed her experience and achieved what she was ultimately searching for: a sense of belonging.
As an expat I’ve had to say goodbye to family, friends, and colleagues on more than one occasion. This is not uncommon in any person’s life. However, since becoming an expat the frequency of saying goodbye has certainly increased. The ease of doing so has not.
True friendships are worth a million but keeping them up as an expat is a challenge. That is why friendships that stand the test of time are so valuable. InterNations member Jin Li talks about her lifelong friendships and offers advice on cultivating them.
Being an expat can be both the most amazing experience in the world and the hardest. From fantastic new friends, to feeling far from home, find out just how simultaneously difficult and awesome life abroad can be!